MEPs, faced with the news that an internal auditor’s report had identified looting on a grand scale of the public purse by some of their number, chose, with all the predictability of night following day, to try and bury the issue. At the same time they adopted the Three Wise Monkeys as the official motto of the EU Parliament.

Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil’ must have been thought up in anticipation of the European Union which, whether it is concealing the true nature of the Treaty of Lisbon from its voters, engaging in mendacious circumlocution to justify not holding referenda on that Treaty, indulging in ever more complex Newspeak to conceal the reality of what they are up to or simply pulling the wool over the eyes of voters to hide the size of the pig trough into which they have plunged their greasy snouts, specialises in the art of total opacity.

The report of the internal auditor makes it clear that, without naming names, it has found substantial, blatant and rampant abuse of the Parliament’s system of expenses and allowances. It plainly could not have come to such a conclusion without identifying some MEPs individually as perpetrators of what Chris Davies, a Liberal ‘Democrat’ MEP for the North-West, identified as embezzlement worthy of prison sentences, though it has chosen not to make such identification in their report.

Ignoring the logic of the auditor’s report, MEPs have concluded that there is no need for an investigation:

As the internal auditor’s report has not revealed any individual cases of fraud, he has not recommended referring his findings to the EU anti-fraud agency OLAF.

OLAF, the EU outfit that is supposed to monitor and investigate fraud in the EU (a task it performs sketchily, it has to be admitted), has, however, demanded to see the report.

It looks for the moment as though the EuroSwine will be able to prevent that and thus none of those plundering the pot of public money available for payment of expenses and allowances will find themselves being investigated. Instead they will simply shove their greasy snouts ever deeper into the trough. But then an institution which can vote 27 countries out of effective existence (and denounce opponents as ‘nazis’ in the same breath) is unlikely to be troubled about a mere bagatelle such as a bit of thieving is it?

Meanwhile, faced with mounting problems at home, our dishonest, cowardly and dishonourable Prime Minister is doing what all Prime Ministers do in such circumstances: turn to foreign affairs as a means of solace. Thus he has gone to Brussels to mend some of the hundreds of fences with the EU he has broken since entering Government in 1997, even to the extent of spending an hour with Peter Mandelson, a person for whom he feels nothing but loathing and hatred.

Normally Brown would prefer to have what remains of his fingernails pulled out with pincers rather than endure an hour of Mandelson, but this was doubtless deemed a necessary part of the charm offensive.

Having meetings with the EuroNabobery is always a panacea for Prime Ministers. It is, after all, one of the cosiest clubs in the world. Here he will find himself amongst friends anxious to smooth the way for him, all the while sympathising with him over the damage caused to him and his government by the wicked Eurosceptics who have so laughably demanded a referendum on the Treaty of Lisbon but who seem never to go away.

Here he can leave behind him the domestic cares which beset him and talk, albeit nebulously, about the ‘big’ issues facing Europe, the World, The Universe and Everything with others of like mindset, many of whom may themselves have domestic political difficulties and thus similarly welcome the chance to talk about loftier things than the funding of a new highway or nationalizing banks.

As he railroads the ratification of the Treaty through Parliament in a manner that defies the wishes of the British people, he can, with the aid of a secure Parliamentary majority, begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In such circumstances he feels enabled to put himself about in Brussels and make the observation:

Britain must be at the centre of Europe working with other member states and working with the Commission to make the most of the opportunities that are now ahead of us because of globalisation and obviously also to minimise the risk.

We have been here before, many many times, with John Major and Smuggo who were forever bleating about the need for Britain to be ‘at the heart of Europe’ or some balderdash. The real problem for a Prime Minister is that the very last thing that the people of the United Kingdom want is for Britain to be at the heart of the EU and so, whenever this is proposed, the people evince nothing but loathing for it and so, as both Major and Blair found, he is soon forced to tack away from the centre once more and ends up saying something vaguely Eurosceptic to appease us once more.

As soon as they do that, of course, the leaders of Europe, who cannot and will not take cognizance of the wishes of the people of Britain, scatter ordure upon him from a great height and get very fed up when something is then said by the Prime Minister which in any way casts doubt upon Le Grand Projet.

It is to enable Prime Ministers to keep Britain ‘at the heart of Europe’ without themselves having to worry overmuch about the views of the British people that the new rules have been promulgated: for that reason new powers can be arrogated by the EU and ever more vetoes relinquished without the need for any further Treaties.

And no Treaty means, of course, no further need for a referendum. Ever.