Cap Badge of the
Cameronians (Scottish Rifles)

The Pooh-Bah has spoken. An independent Scotland will have no Army since the term ‘army’ implies a fighting force. Instead the nation whose men have won glory on battlefields from Tangier in 1680 to modern Iraq will have a lightly-armed para-military gendarmerie whose main task will be to burnish the image of one Alex Salmond.

The Lord-High-Everything-Else wants an emasculated Scotland to be an expert in peacekeeping, reports The Scotsman:

AN INDEPENDENT Scotland would be ideally placed to play a crucial role as a global peacemaker, the First Minister claimed yesterday.

In the inaugural speech at an Aberdeen University forum on “Scotland in the World”, Alex Salmond said the existing global goodwill towards Scotland made it an ideal choice to become a world leader in international conflict resolution.

Mr Salmond said: “We can choose to remain a bit-part player – unable to advance our interests and influence the international agenda other than through the United Kingdom.

“Alternatively, as an independent country, we can actively seek responsibility – eager for the opportunity to help shape the great global debates.”

For vaunting ambition and hubris it cannot, for sure, be matched as an idea: peace-loving little Scotland (presumably outside NATO) will become a neutral a bit like Ireland, no longer pulling its weight in defence of the West, but a self-indulgent Super-Nanny keen to lecture others on how to behave. Forgive me whilst I snigger a while.

For Alex Salmond, whose resemblance to a bloater in quite uncanny, this is the first step on a road which he hopes will lead him to his Nobel Peace Prize. Off he will go, gadding about the world dispensing wisdom and hankies in equal measure.

Sadly history suggests that this idea is likely to be a huge waste of time. Ireland once thought of itself as the world’s peacemaker and blathered greatly in the Dail over such conflicts as The Congo, Vietnam, The Middle East, most of which it blithely thought it would be able to solve. The problem is that it was just blather. It will be no different with Salmond.

Besides, perhaps the First Minister might first tell us how is he going to be able to do this when Scotland finds itself subsumed in an EU where foreign affairs is the sole responsibility of the EU Foreign Minister and where the interests of the likes of France and Germany (for whose benefit the EU Foreign Minister in particular and the EU in general will be run) may be quite different from those which Salmond considers Scotland’s to be – and with the voice of a mere 5 million out of 450 million the voice with which those interests are articulated will be a veritable squeak.

And then there is future EU Army. Whilst I reckon that the concept (a deeply repugnant and alien one at that) lies in the realms of Alice in Wonderland, let us assume for a moment that ‘a common defence and security policy’ ends up meaning just that. Does Salmond imagine that the EU is going to allow him to spoil the creation of its nascent Reichswehr by allowing those excellent Scottish Troops to go off and be nice to people?

Scots must be singularly stupid if they are taken in by this sort of patronising cloud-cuckoo-land hogwash. Hopefully they will realise that it is one thing for a man to lay down his life for the defence of his country and quite another to do so in pursuit of someone else’s Nobel Peace Prize and Salmond will in due course get to spend a lot more time with his family instead of indulging himself in this sort of masturbatory codswallop.