There is, of course, many a slip twixt cup and lip, but delicious irony may present itself in 2009, if, that is, this Telegraph report matures into reality, not least because Gordon Brown will have to search the Number 10 recycling bins for Tony Blair’s Voodoo Doll which he threw out last summer.

That Tony Blair might become the first full-time president of Europe under the new Constitution that has been promulgated for us by a cabal of European politicians must, surely, be the thing of nightmares for Gordon Brown, indeed for all of us. After all did we not all heave a mighty sigh of relief when we thought we had gotten rid of the little crook last June?

Imagine the scene, then, in early January 2009 of Gordon genuflecting before Smuggo in the transept of the Cathedral of Notre-Dame de Reims:

I, James Gordon Brown, do swear that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to His Serene Majesty the Emperor Anthony, his heirs and successors, according to law. So help me God.

Or perhaps that should be “Gawd ‘elp us!”.

This touching scene will, of course, be enacted only after the Prefects of the provincial councils (erstwhile Member States, that is) have foregathered in The Hall of Mirrors at Versailles and, like the ancient Saxon Witangemot, duly chosen Smuggo as our new Monarch.

This Gordon Brown will only be able to prevent if he can drum up enough support amongst his fellow prefects to block the enthronement of his nemesis by a qualified majority. Whether Brown will have the guts to resist the EU’s first such coronation is, however, a moot point. Note, of course, that the likes of you or I have no say whatsoever in this charade that will be paraded as ‘transparent democracy in action’ or some such trash.

Brown will probably have an apoplectic fit. For ten years he lived next door hoping against hope that a bus or the IRA or Al-Qaeda might do for his neighbour and allow him the job he has always so desperately craved. After plotting and scheming this or that putsch against Blair, he at last drove him off to the lecture circuit in June.

Suddenly he may be faced with having once more to kowtow to Blair who will have infinitely more power than he did as Prime Minister under the Union’s new stitch-up of a Constitution. Perhaps we should all wish for this monarchy-by-election to be sorted out as soon as possible: if there is anything that might get Brown to offer us a referendum on the Constitutional Treaty, it is that Blair might end up under its provisions as the most powerful man in Europe since The Bavarian Corporal .

Think too of the effect on an incoming Tory Government faced by their nemesis in the job of Chief Nabob: that ought to be enough to make every Tory MP (save serial offenders like Kenneth Clarke) into a rabid Eurosceptic. The British people too may be less than impressed at being thrust under the undemocratic yoke of the unelected and unaccountable (by us & to us, at any rate) Saint Tony.

Of course Blair’s grubby little war and his failure to deliver the UK into the serfdom of the Euro may yet count against him, but on the other hand the electorate of 27 may think it a good idea to have the senior recently-used politician in the EU, who has the ear of the US and of anyone willing to stump up US$ 500,000 for a half hour of Tony’s homespun philosophising, installed as its very own ‘Great Leader’ to lend an air of Ruritanian gravitas and authenticity to the whole shabby business.


So its ‘Vive L’Empereur!’, ‘Vive L’Empire!’, ‘Europa, Europa Über Alles!’ and Hoch, hoch, hoch der Kaiser!’ on very special days such as Smuggo’s birthday.

And just to cheer you up completely, just contemplate the prospect of Empress Cherie…………

Normally I would have fallen about laughing at this one, but reading the account of the matter, you realize that Sarkosy is probably dead serious about this truly awful idea.

As it is, I reckon the sight of Emperor Tony strutting his stuff at whichever Palace (Sanssouci? Schönbrunn? Stupinigi? Neuschwanstein?) his vassals accord him with his ghastly consort in tow will dramatically deflate public support for the whole rotten enterprise, so perhaps we should prepare the coronation now.

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