I am tickled to death by this story, reported in both the Daily Telegraph (here) and the Daily Mail (here) which I will now endeavour to piece together for you.

It seems that Folkestone, a ferry port on the coast of Kent just across the Channel from Boulogne and Calais, is twinned with both Boulogne and a German city by the name of Zweibrücken (literally “Two bridges”).

Two of the latter’s councillors, Gunter Ludvig and Bernard Druker, doubtless gripped by a serious dose of Europhilia such as we see from time to time in British politicians, hit on a plan about twenty years ago, which shows you how sad this little story really is, to build a boat, or, as we shall see, raft upon which they aimed to cross the English Channel (one of the busiest and most dangerous shipping lanes in the world) armed with a ‘message in a bottle’ which was destined for the bigwigs of Folkestone. Lynn Dockar, manager of the Boulogne and Shepway Co-operation Association (Bosco), which works to access European funding, was part of the welcome committee at Folkestone She said:

“They were making a very symbolic journey across the Channel carrying a message of goodwill. They wanted to show their support of European solidarity and meet their friends. They thought it was a big gesture.”

Quite why they should want to do all this is a mystery, given that the people of the United Kingdom have over many years exhibited considerable distaste for and distrust of all the works of ‘Europe’.

In pursuit of this the two Germans built a makeshift raft which ended up being called Avec Plaisir III (given that it turned out to be utterly unseaworthy, one shudders to think what Avec Plaisir I and II were like!). A Councillor from Boulogne, Claude Allan was co-opted for this adventure.

Thus the trio assembled themselves somewhere on the coast of France. Their impromptu raft, glorious product of twenty years of aspiration and planning, lacked a functioning radio, had almost no safety equipment, bore a set of flares that dated back to the time of the Falklands War. The raft itself was basically a lash up of half a dozen barrels and a huge flat plank of wood with a sail.

Thus they set off to invade Britain with their frankly unwelcome message of ‘solidarity’ (whatever that means), weaving their way uncertainly amongst the supertankers, container megaships, ferries (conventional and SeaCat). Truly this was the nautical equivalent of walking blindfold with a pram up the centre lane of a motorway the wrong way. Not only was their craft unseaworthy and its equipment non-existent, but they also failed to notify anyone of their madcap scheme.

Thus, as Ms Dockar lurked about at the seafront at Folkestone with fellow Europhiles, the intrepid trio made their way across the Channel. They were very lucky not to have been despatched to oblivion. Upon arrival, however, the ‘mission’ ran firmly into the buffers in the shape of the local coastguards who turned up and nabbed not only the three idiots on the raft but also Ms. Dockar as well and hauled them off to the local lockup where all were detained for ten hours before being released without charge.

One is glad to know that HM Coastguard (or whatever mealy-mouthed name is now given to that distinguished outfit) are really on the ball and were able to nab these people as soon as they got to shore.

Hopefully cooling their heels in a British Nick for a day will have completely dampened their absurd ardour for ‘European Solidarity’ (whatever that is) and these ridiculous people will just leave us alone.

What it should also remind us is that on the maps they have of Europe at EU headquarters, Kent and the Pas-de-Calais are part of the same region that the EU Empire plans to impose once the little business of the Constitution is done and dusted and all those disagreeable Nation States are but footnotes in the history books.

The only issue that seems to await conclusion is where the new Gauleiter of this region will base his Prefecture: in the garden of England or in the mud of French Flanders. If the former, lets hope someone has the courage to emulate the Coastguards and clap Emperor José’s Viceroy in irons the moment he aor she arrives.